The Pants Go On One Leg at a Time

And then you try to figure out the other leg.

 June 15, 2017  In goes the right. Up rises the left, but wait! The left arm involuntarily lifts the pants higher. The leg has reached its limit.  Try sitting. My back hurts, my hips hurt. I can’t lean forward enough. One leg in. One leg out.

The leg has startling drops. The brain orders up a stride, I get a step. Seeking a step, I get a stutter. Instead of gliding over roots, sidewalk cracks, and drain covers the foot catches and sends me flying. I think I tripped over a shadow. The big toe is said to establish balance and agility. But the toe is connected to the foot that is connected to the leg that is connected to the damaged nerves. Balance, agility, strength and control washed out on the tide.

My canoe bobs in a foot of sun streaked water, parting a pasture of water lilies. A school of tiny Perch mill about with expectation. What is the boarding strategy? Strong leg first into the boat, weak leg as stabilizer? Then push with the boarding leg and swing the trailing leg up and over? Not going to happen. One leg in. One leg out. Fuck! Both legs out. The Perch disperse on splash-down.

Imagine writing code to automate dressing. Perhaps there a thousand lines to command your foot into the open waist band, while make micro adjustments, jiggling the clothing with your hand, balancing on your other leg, bending your trunk upward, pulling and adjusting, (now with both hands) A thousand lines of code, with a couple lines awry. It is just broken code. With no developer to install a patch.

Perhaps a kilt.


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